Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so while Cajun Boy recaps each episode, I’m here to give you a little something extra via the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which rank the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.
Episode: “To’hajiilee”
Not Ranked: Skyler, Holly, Lydia, and Andrea
#11. Huell
Huell is smart enough to think of himself first, but not so wise as to get out of a situation without implicating himself. He knows that Walt is a calculating murderer, a guy who can off 10 inmates by simply making a phone call, so when he sees the photo of Jesse’s brains splattered on the kitchen floor, he quickly tells Hank and Gomie everything he knows, without a lawyer presence. Huell probably thinks he can make a deal with the DEA, a little “you rub my bald egg-shaped head, I’ll run your bald bowling ball-shaped” shenanigans. Or maybe it’s just a rare case of rushed plotting from the Breaking Bad writers. Either way, he’s in last place…by a LANDSLIDE. *diarrhea noise*
#10. Saul
The only thing brighter than Saul’s shirts is his smile after someone recognizes him. Also, as Danger noticed, look at the difference between Saul’s billboard hair and Saul’s now hair. Breaking Bad‘s true emotional journey is the one Saul takes gathering up enough courage to take a shower.
#9. Marie
If I’ve learned anything from The Simpsons (I’ve learned everything from The Simpsons), it’s that husband and wives should never discuss dead animals. Think about what happened to poor Ned and Maude Flanders: she goes to buy hot dogs, he requests that they not be foot-longs, and five minutes later, BOOM. She’s dead. We don’t know that Hank (and Gomez) will ironically turn into the same staged pile of blood and brains that’s resting in Marie’s garbage can. We only know that a gloating husband — WHO NEVER INFORMED THE DEA OF WHAT HE WAS DOING, SO IF HE DIES AND MARIE SPILLS EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS ABOUT HEISENBERG, SHE’LL HAVE NO REAL PROOF — telling his wife it “may be awhile before I get home” is never good news. Plus, the dead animal thing. But who will weep for the Gomie, he says as 30 Playboy babes attend his funeral?
#8-7. Brock and Walt Jr.
A one-act play, starring Brock Cantillo and Walter White Jr.
The end. Brock’s mother is a former junkie, his uncle is dead, he’s been poisoned, and the only male role model in his life has vanished — all he’s got is his Froot Loops, and he’s not letting any Whites get in his way.