Jon Stewart Has Launched A $10 Billion Kickstarter To Buy CNN

COMEDY CENTRAL

Kickstarter is where indie movies are funded and potato salad dreams are made. But its true potential hasn’t been untapped until now: purchasing media conglomerates. On last night’s The Daily Show, Jon Stewart reported that Rupert Murdoch, the “date rapist of media barons,” offered to buy Time Warner for $80 billion. They said no, but IF it did happen, Murdoch would have to sell CNN to another bidder because he already owns Fox News. The going-rate for the pirate-interviewing network is around $10 billion, and although the residual checks for Big Daddy keep rolling in for Stewart, he doesn’t have that kind of dough. But his fans might, which is why The Daily Show opened a (sadly fake) Kickstarter to buy CNN, with some pretty sweet benefits.

LET'S BUY CNN

THAT LOST KEYS COVERAGE IS MINE, LINDA.