To Anna Kendrick,
First off, HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY. It’s been a good past 12 months for you — Pitch Perfect was a massive hit, you’ve been on every talk show ever, you were excellent on Comedy Bang! Bang!, and “Cups” charted on the Billboard Hot 100. So, that’s cool and all, but we here at UPROXX do have a request: do you wanna be our BFF?
‘Cause you seem like the perfect person to masturbate to Ryan Gosling with. Here’s why.
Love,
UPROXX
1. She’s cool with not being the center of attention.
2. We can listen to the Strokes 24/7.
3. Because bad bitches like her are hard to come by, apparently.
4. She makes for a great dancing partner.
5. She can introduce us to Aubrey Plaza.
6. And Olivia Wilde. And Jake Johnson.
